I am skilled at many things, but I recently learned I am an expert at one thing in particular – not landing a literary agent.  It’s not for lack of trying.  I have studied the literature, gone to writer’s conferences, taken webinars, and had one-on-one consultations.  All of these things led to a wealth of information, tips, and suggestions.  I was ready!  So, I set out to land an agent.  Armed with this knowledge, I proceeded to make EVERY MISTAKE these wise people warned against. 

That is the impetus of this blog – sharing my mistakes, my new-found expertise, with you.  I will mostly do this with anecdotes of my mis-steps and my bad decisions.  It should be fun.  I can’t wait to relive some of this with total strangers.  It’ll be great.  Like lemon juice in a paper cut kind of great. 

Doing it Wrong…

This post is specifically for aspiring writers coming from other careers (like me).  As I mentioned in my last post, I decided it was time to venture out and explore the writer’s world.  For me, this meant going to Writer’s Conferences.  This was early in 2019.  I had roughly half a novel completed and had just realized I was becoming a writer.  A real writer. 

It’s important to point out that I was coming from the world of the engineer, a mythical place where lines join at right angles and creativity is a waste of time for lesser beings.  Although engineers have the reputation of being socially awkward brainiacs who stare at their own shoes, they still have amazingly large egos.  They are a race of humans who shun interaction with the general populace but think themselves the smartest people on the planet.  That may be why I never quite fit in; ego isn’t really my thing, at least not to that level. 

My first conference was a one-day affair in Chicago.  My second was the Midwest Writers Workshop in Muncie, Indiana.  I have nothing but good things to say about MWW and encourage anyone who is able to attend.  It is a first-class conference for both established authors and new writers like you and me.

The point of this post is this was my introduction to the language used by the writing community; the dialect, the short-hand.  I was an outsider, unfamiliar to the common phrases bandied about.  I was an engineer.  Though I claim to not be full of the brazen self-love of my peers, I do consider myself intelligent.  I may even own more arrogance than I am willing to admit.  Let’s just agree that as I sat down at my first session, I was not concerned about anyone speaking over my head.

Karma can be a swift kick to the crotch.  Karma is no friend to arrogance, or it’s little brother, smugness.  I may not be guilty of arrogance, but I wore smugness like a Snuggie.

Through the course of my first day, I heard terms that held no meaning for me.  Terms that all the other attendees seemed to take in stride as normal, everyday sayings: 

Story arc

Character arc

Active voice

… I’m sorry, what? 

MFA

Chicago Manual of Style

Beta reader

… again, what? 

Trope

Falling action

Action beat

… Is that a real thing?

Inciting event

Em dash/en dash

… Seriously, is that a thing?

NaNoWriMo

…  now you’re just messing with me, aren’t you?

Pantsing

… I think you’re messing with me.

Hook

…  please tell me you’re messing with me.

The list went on.  This was my first-time experiencing Imposter Syndrome.  I absolutely felt that I did not belong.  These people spoke their own language.  I was wondering if they had a secret handshake.  Not one of those words or phrases is used in engineering, or any part of my life for that matter.  It might as well have been spoken in Chinese (I don’t speak, read, or in any way understand the Chinese language).

I glanced nervously from side to side, hoping to see confusion on the faces of the other attendees.  I longed for someone to smile and say “WTF?”  Nothing.  They all seemed to understand the language as if they were born to it.  I resolved to fake it, taking notes of the foreign terms so I could Google them later.  And that is exactly what I did.

But that was only a small part of the conference content.  The foreign terms were things I could catch up with later.  The rest of the content was brilliant, eye-opening wonderfulness.  I may not speak the language fully, but these were obviously my people.  Maybe they would even teach me the handshake.  They brought up struggles writers have while writing, they discussed interactions between characters, ways to improve your story line, suggested helpful software and referenced informative websites.   The speakers were people who live the life. 

The most important take-away for me was that we (writers) are not competitors. There is room for all of us.  One person’s success today in no way limits your potential success in the future.  This was not just Chinese to me, but straight-up hieroglyphics. My earlier feelings of confusion about the language used gave way to an overwhelming feeling of community.  We can cheer each other on, support each other, and not worry about losing a book deal because some other writer got one.  Think about it, how many books are on the shelf at your local book store?  With new titles every day.  It was liberating. 

These are my people.  These are our people. 

Conventional Wisdom…

Once I learned what an MFA was, I wondered if that was something I needed to have.  I decided it wasn’t for me, but it may be for you.

An MFA is a Masters in Fine Arts degree from a college or University.  Many writers and authors have this degree.  Pursuing this degree will only improve your understanding of language and the written word.  However, the MFA is not required by agents or publishers.  No one will ask for it if you write and submit a manuscript.  Many writers and authors do not have this degree.  Obtaining this degree is a personal preference. 

As for the language…

Entering any new profession will expose you to terms, phrases, and slang you may not be familiar with.  The medical field is a good example.  Also, each branch of the military has pages of acronyms specific just to their branch.  If you are serious about becoming a writer, you simply have to learn the language.  It is not as daunting as you may think.  As with most things, it becomes easier as you progress. 

Doing it Write…

(Still cringy… still feeling like I need to apologize… but still sticking with it anyway…)

If you desire to pursue a Masters of Fine Arts degree, I suggest you Google programs in your area.  There are many options for online courses as well.

For the language of writers, there are many sites on the internet that contain lists or glossaries of writing terms.  The one I have linked below was prepared by Author K.M. Weiland on her website Helping Writers Become Authors.  She has an awesome list of terms you can find here:

The Ultimate Glossary of Writing Terms

There are other good lists out there as well.  If you and I are going to become published authors, we should learn the language.  So, go learn some words.  And I encourage you to attend a writer’s conference. 

I am skilled at many things, but I recently learned I am an expert at one thing in particular – not landing a literary agent.  It’s not for lack of trying.  I have studied the literature, gone to writer’s conferences, taken webinars, and had one-on-one consultations.  All of these things led to a wealth of information, tips, and suggestions.  I was ready!  So, I set out to land an agent.  Armed with this knowledge, I proceeded to make EVERY MISTAKE these wise people warned against. 

That is the impetus of this blog – sharing my mistakes, my new-found expertise, with you.  I will mostly do this with anecdotes of my mis-steps and my bad decisions.  It should be fun.  I can’t wait to relive some of this with total strangers.  It’ll be great.  Like lemon juice in a paper cut kind of great.   

Doing it Wrong…

I realized my writing was turning into something more than a hobby when I had about half of my novel complete.  This was spring of 2019.  I wasn’t sure what to do next.  My background was in engineering and this was all new to me.  The first thing I did was bought a copy of Writer’s Market 2019.  I spent at least two days with my nose buried in that book.  That’s where I learned about writing conferences.  Between Writer’s Market and some online research, I found several conferences in my area to consider.  I also thought hitting a major conference would be a good idea too. 

The first conference I attended was the 2019 Writing Workshop of Chicago at the end of June, held at the Congress Plaza Hotel.  One of the add-ons they offered was a 10-minute one-on-one session with an agent to pitch your project.  I had read about pitching to an agent and thought I should learn how to do that.  I read through the bios and picked an agent.  Then I thought it made sense to book this agent for two back-to-back pitch sessions.  That way I would have extra time to pick her brain about anything and everything I could think of.  It made sense to me so I went with it. 

I worked up a pitch for my project after researching how to do it.  Then I did a little research on the agent’s company so I would be able to ask intelligent questions and whatnot.  I thought I was prepared… but so did the captain of the Titanic.

It was horrible…

The setting was a conference room with a dozen or so little tables with a seated agent and an empty chair.  Each of the tables had small name signs to help find the correct agent.  I located my agent, introduced myself, and began my pitch.  I could see her eyes glassing over.  She appeared to be in pain, or at the very least in discomfort.  She even made an unconscious scowl.  But she was a pro, she was there to do a job and she muscled through. 

I have to paraphrase her comments because I don’t remember them word for word.  She said the pitch was too long, that it needed a hook and I didn’t have one, and that she had no interest in the book whatsoever.

Oh yeah, I nailed it.

She looked down at her notes and was jolted by what she saw. “I have you for two sessions?” she asked.

She glanced around the room, looking longingly at all the talented and prepared writers giving their pitches to the other agents.  Then she looked back at me.  The light in her eyes started to dim.  I think she died a little inside.  She might have been questioning her life choices.  There was a prolonged awkward silence.  I asked her about her company and she responded politely.  She was a pro.  I was not.  I considered another question but thought better of it.  I thanked her and excused myself. 

Conventional Wisdom…

Read as much as you can find about preparing your pitch.  It’s your 90-second elevator speech to sell an agent on your book.  Once you get it the way you want it, practice it over and over.  Know it inside and out.  You can write it out on note cards and have them with you in case you freeze or go blank.  It can be nerve wracking to pitch your project to a stranger.

Most resources available about pitching your book in person advise to have a completed and edited manuscript BEFORE pitching to an agent (I wasn’t even close).  If they like your pitch, they may ask to see some or all of your book. 

Doing it Write…

(The play on words is super cheesy.  I am embarrassed I included it but it’s my first blog post and I’m sticking with it.)

Jane Friedman is a great resource for all things about getting published.  Here is a link to her post on pitching agents at a writer’s conference:

How to Pitch Agents at a Writers Conference

Here is a helpful post from author Tomi Adeyemi about pitching agents in person:

https://www.tomiadeyemi.com/blog/how-to-pitch-a-literary-agent-in-5-easy-steps

I referenced Writer’s Market 2019 in this post.  The book is updated annually, so pick the current year.  It is an excellent resource that I strongly recommend.  You can find it at Bookshop.org or your local independent bookseller.